We often think being a good leader means having the answers. We feel responsible for solving problems, giving advice and knowing what to do next. But what if one of the most powerful things we could do was actually say less and listen more?I’ve spent over two decades in leadership and more than 10,000 hours coaching people and one thing I’ve learnt is that people don’t always need us to solve their problems. Often, they need the space to think, to feel heard and to work things out for themselves, and this is where the coaching approach comes in. My SERVE coaching framework which is at the heart of my new bestselling book, Coaching Leaders “SERVE your way to team success” helps you consider how you can embed coaching skills into your existing leadership approach.SERVE stands for:
S: your state as a leader and how you’re showing up
E : how you engage, listen and build relationships
R : reflect and pause looking at what is / isn’t working
V : value your relationships, conversations and people
E : embed this into your practice so it’s not just an add on
Engage is one of the core parts and this is all about building genuine connection, trust and understanding before jumping into action. You need to do this otherwise coaching approaches can feel inauthentic or that you’re just ticking a box. Here are seven ways to start:-
1. Check how you’re showing up
Before a conversation, ask yourself: Am I actually ready to listen?If you’re stressed, distracted or thinking about your next meeting, you probably won’t be fully present. Take a moment to pause, breathe and consciously shift your attention to the person in front of you.Your state influences the quality of the conversation.
2. Listen to understand, not to respond
How often are you already thinking about what you’re going to say while someone else is speaking?Real listening means being curious about their perspective rather than preparing your response. Notice when you’re mentally rehearsing advice and bring yourself back to what they’re saying and practice being genuinely curious about others.
3. Put away the distractions
It sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly powerful.Close your laptop, put your phone away and give someone your full attention. When we’re distracted, even unintentionally, we can send the message that someone isn’t important.Connection starts with attention.
4. Ask more, tell less
As leaders, we’re often rewarded for our expertise. The challenge is that constantly providing answers can unintentionally stop other people from developing theirs.Experiment with asking:
“What do you think would work?”
“What have you already considered?”
“What would you like to happen?”
These questions encourage people to think independently and build confidence in their own judgement.
5. Get comfortable with silence
Silence can feel uncomfortable, particularly when we’re used to fast-paced conversations.But just because someone has stopped speaking doesn’t mean they’ve finished thinking.Resist the urge to fill every gap. Give people time to reflect, process and find their own words.Sometimes the most valuable insight comes after the pause.
6. Acknowledge feelings, not just facts
People bring their emotions, experiences and beliefs into work. We can’t separate the person from their performance.If someone seems frustrated or overwhelmed, acknowledge what you’re noticing without making assumptions.You might say, “It sounds like this has been difficult. What’s been the biggest challenge?”This creates the conditions for trust and more open conversations and allows people to feel more valued.
7. Check your understanding
Before moving into solutions, reflect back what you’ve heard or clarify so you know you’re in agreement. Try: “So what I’m hearing is… Have I understood that correctly?”This gives the other person the opportunity to clarify, and it helps you avoid acting on assumptions.It also demonstrates that their perspective matters.Coaching as a leader isn’t about becoming a professional coach or turning every conversation into a coaching session, it’s about integrating coaching skills into what you’re doing and creating space for others to think. The best leaders don’t make themselves indispensable by having all the answers, they build the capability and confidence of others to find their own.And that starts with listening.By Ruth Kudzi, Master Certified Coach, Coaching Psychologist and Founder of Optimus Coach Academy.
We often think being a good leader means having the answers. We feel responsible for solving problems, giving advice and knowing what to do next. But what if one of the most powerful things we could do was actually say less and listen more?
I’ve spent over two decades in leadership and more than 10,000 hours coaching people and one thing I’ve learnt is that people don’t always need us to solve their problems. Often, they need the space to think, to feel heard and to work things out for themselves, and this is where the coaching approach comes in.
My SERVE coaching framework which is at the heart of my new bestselling book, Coaching Leaders “SERVE your way to team success” helps you consider how you can embed coaching skills into your existing leadership approach.
SERVE stands for:
